As I was walking home from my birthday pedicure, it dawned on me, that when I started to take my faith seriously; it was my love life, that God used to test and mature me, the most.
I was baby-faced and full of conviction when I ended my little university situationship, because I knew I didn’t want to compromise my values of no sex before marriage.
So I graduated, full of promise and zeal. I became a member of my church, joined the bible study groups, became a worker and watched my life transform with Christ (mostly) in the centre. I wish I could tell you, then it was in that period, I met the love of my life and got married. But that wasn’t the case. In fact, I am pretty sure most of the guys I met in my twenties are now married and even fathers.
It took me a while to accept that I cannot control how God desires to bless and reward obedience. (Hebrews 11:3)
Simultaneously, I realised that waiting for God in one area, doesn’t mean you’ll be waiting for Him in all areas. I can testify to seeing God’s hand over my life, very vividly.
So how am I navigating being in my mid-thirties and single? Well, firstly, God is carrying me. Because hormones and emotions are real! As the late Dr Tim Keller said, “One should often talk to your thoughts and feelings”. So I often have to have talks with myself.
One prayer I’ve been praying is, “Lord help my heart to accept what my spirit and mind already know”
Secondly, I remember WHAT I am waiting on God for. Sis, I hope you know, it is easy to find a man and get married. I say that so strongly because I nearly did. But my prayer is that my partner and I are aligned for life in God’s Kingdom. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two men walk together unless they have made an appointment?”
Essentially this means that if we are not set on where we are going, how do we think we can walk together? We need to know where we are going, as individuals first. Consider asking yourself these questions as you wait on God to show you what His plans and purposes are for your life
• What is the Lord calling you to?
• Are you walking in those things right now?
• What do you desire?
• Are your desires aligned to the Word of God?
• Are you stewarding what He has placed inside of you?
• What do I believe God is calling me to do now?
You may not know the full answer in its full detail. To be honest, neither do I. But I know my life must be centred around making Christ known, being obedient in the big and small things, loving God and loving my neighbour as I love myself. This means, I’ve got to be kind and graceful to me, before I think I can do that well to others. Mediating on the scriptures and therapy, have been vital for me in this area. As well as deliberately making my life richer spiritually and relationally.
The last thing, which is something I have been warring with is, not allowing age to force me to settle. Sis, please don’t allow your age to make you settle.
“Don’t risk momentary pleasure for long term pain.”
If this is something you have been struggling with, please seek the Lord in prayer. We don’t need to sugar-coat it with God. He knows it well. Often, we need to unpack what is hidden in our own hearts.
Recently, I have been writing my questions and feelings to Him and it’s been humbling to see what I’ve been harbouring in my heart. In the heat of those heart to hearts with Him, I have found myself saying that “God is good and kind to ME”.
I had to reread my book, that I released when I was 30. I was shocked by how resolute I was with my convictions. I needed that reminder. Yes, I am older, and I have more freedom but that doesn’t mean my freedom can put me in a chokehold.
What boundaries am I playing around with that may get into me trouble? Where am I low-key telling God, this is too hard for you, so I’ll just help You here?
“Where am I manufacturing an Ishmael instead of trusting God for Isaac?”
Perhaps you can spend some time answering these questions and think about what it looks like to love God, yourself and others in this season. Or maybe this is a good time to ask Him to heal the disappointment in your heart that you’ve been trying to supress for years. Consider what it looks like for you to make your life richer?
Remember, He hears and answers prayers. (Psalm 66:19-20)
Tumi Olaoshun
Tumi is a History teacher currently based in Dubai. She really loves encouraging women to live faithfully in authentic communities and relationships.
