I was pondering about my daughter turning three this year and I cannot believe how quickly time has flown since the day I found out I was pregnant. There was such a mixture of emotions felt that day, yet the one that stood out the most was gratitude. I carried gratitude within me throughout my pregnancy just as I carried my daughter. God had blessed my husband and I with a gift that we could not express enough thanks for and our hearts carry that same feeling today. Experiencing motherhood can evoke the thought that it will make you feel more whole as a woman, but yet my personal experience made me realise just how necessary it is to daily seek my wholeness in Christ alone.
Motherhood is so rewarding yet it has its challenges. The everyday realisation that I am responsible for the life of my daughter sometimes makes me nervous. One question that occupied my mind a lot during my pregnancy and early stages after my daughter’s birth was ‘Am I really whole enough to be a Mum?’, but what does wholeness really look like?
A lot of the times we can associate wholeness with perfection. We assume that if someone looks like they have it altogether, they must be whole, but that can be far from reality. Wholeness should never be estimated on how a person looks. My perception of experiencing wholeness as a Mum was judging my experiences against those who were around me (either physically or virtually) instead of laying my weaknesses, insecurities, fears and doubts at the feet of Jesus.
John 1:16 speaks of us receiving grace upon grace from the fullness of Christ. I had to resolve in my mind that my wholeness would be dependent on the grace I daily receive from Christ. Despite the sleepless nights, high flying hormones, moments of struggling to breastfeed and ongoing pain from having an emergency caesarean, I was reassured that grace would daily revitalise me to never take this gift of motherhood for granted.
There is no manual given to us as women on motherhood, no matter what stage of life we are in. Wholeness as a Mum (whether now or in the future) is a day-to-day journey which is not determined by what you may feel or what people may assume of you but rather on who Christ is.
God is cheering you on sis – keep your head up and rely on the beautiful gift of grace to keep you rejoicing in the gift He has/will give to you in His perfect timing.
With a passion to see women choose to live their lives authentically from within, Zalika Awuku is the founder of The Inner Beauty, which aims to encourage women to put aside the pressures of physical perfection and to begin the liberating journey of discovering their beauty from within. She is a teacher of the Word, speaker and writer, who takes joy in transparently sharing her journey as a wife, mum and woman in Christ.